


Lying Is The Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Confessing She And Her Boyfriend Aren't Actually Dating by Panic! At The Disco

by Kealpos



Category: Newsies (1992), Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Buuut its better for it, F/F, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, I wrote so much more than I meant too whoops, Like... at the scene where Jack climbs the fence?, M/M, Miscommunication, Multi, So I fixed it and theres a lot more turmoil and its WAY stronger:), That was supposed to be the sad leeway to confessing but it felt weak, Threesome - M/M/M, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-13
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-05-21 15:21:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14917847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kealpos/pseuds/Kealpos
Summary: “Hi,” she said, and her voice was so goddamn melodious, “I’m Sarah Jacobs. Davey is my brother?”“Oh. Hello. I’m Katherine Plumber, Jack Kelly’s girlfriend,” she replied, just like she was instructed to do when she met Sarah. She just nodded.“I was wondering why my brother was freaking out so much. Nice to meet you, Katherine. Now, we already have beers and everyone else seems to be busy, so how about,” she said (Jack would’ve said ‘how’s’ and Katherine kinda liked the difference) quietly, “we find the quietest corner we can in this hell hole?”





	Lying Is The Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Confessing She And Her Boyfriend Aren't Actually Dating by Panic! At The Disco

**Author's Note:**

> Appearance wise? Imagine everyone (but Katherine. Duh) from the movie. Personality wise? I just pick and choose as I please.

“Katherine, Katherine, will ya be my boyfriend?” The girl who held the title of Katherine looked up from her spot on the brown couch she was currently sinking into, and glared at the boy sitting several feet away from her. He had a phone in one hand and was looking at her all pouty. She picked a pillow up from behind her back and lobbed it at Jack Kelly, who dodged it hitting his head just nearly.

“Jack, can’t I watch one episode of Catfish without you interrupting me? For once in our lives?” She complained, mock scowling.  
“Never. That stuff rots out ya brains anyway. Now, about you bein’ my boyfriend?” Jack replied, rocking the hand that had the phone in it. Katherine sighed and crawled over until she could lean up against him and looked over at his phone.

“David’s inviting you to his birthday party?” She asked, scanning the text lighting up the screen. “How does that have anything to do with me, exactly?”  
“Well, you see, his sister, Sarah, is gonna be in town for it. Me ‘n Sarah, it’s a funny story-”  
“You guys dated, okay,” Katherine interrupted, waving her hand to shut him up. Jack had somewhat of a ‘heartbreaker’ reputation he couldn’t shake. He rolled his eyes but continued.

“Yes, me an’ Sarah dated. Sue me. Point is, I wanna show I’ve moved on or some bull, and you’s the only one she hasn’t met; it’s only natural that she ain’t heard of ya, or heard of us becoming a charmin’ new couple.” Jack grinned before clicking the phone off and sitting it next to him, letting her process what he was saying.

Katherine blinked a few times and then held a finger up to him. “No, no. I am not pretending to be your girlfriend just so you can seem less pathetic,” she said, emphasizing her refusal with jabs to his ribs.  
“Kath, c’mon. Barely any of my other friends know ‘bout ya, so not only can we fool em all, but it’s the perfect way to introduce you!” She glared at him, but he had a point.

The two had met several months before when Jack found an ad in the paper- her ad -looking for a roommate. He moved in soon after, but a mixture of Katherine being a busy woman, Jack not liking to host people at their apartment, and sheer idiocy, Katherine had only met three of his friends. Charlie Morris and Anthony Higgins at the apartment, and sorta David Jacobs over the phone.

Katherine finally sighed, relenting. “Do I get anything out of this, cowboy?”  
“The privilege of finally meeting the friends of tha famous Jack Kelly,” he said smugly, before ruffling her hair. “I’ll spot you dinner money whenever you gotta pick up fast food after work, or somethin, for the next two weeks. That a deal up your alley, Ace?”

She grinned at him, spitting into her palm. Jack obviously didn’t know what he was getting himself into. He spat into his own hand and clasped hers, shaking on it.

“Now that that’s out of the way, I’m kinda hungry. Do you think,” Katherine started, wiping her hand off on Jack’s pant-leg and sounding concerningly grandiose, “we should order DoorDash? Does that count as fast food?”  
He glared at her smugness, not bothering to answer. Jack then pointedly started playing with his phone again. She took that as a yes, ordering as Catfish played on the TV.

-

Katherine was in way over her head.

David Jacobs’s 26th birthday party was hosted at Anthony’s (Racetrack?) and David’s shared condo. Jack had made some quip about someone named ‘Spot’ basically living there too, but she didn’t know who that was, so she didn’t get why it was supposed to be funny.

The thing was, Jack’s ex and David’s older sister, Sarah Jacobs, was quite possibly the most beautiful person she had ever seen in her entire life. And here she was, in a room full of strangers that she didn’t know how they’d react to her being bisexual. Also, they all thought she was dating Jack, and she wasn’t just about to flirt with her while that was still happening.

She and Jack had waltzed in three hours earlier in their finest (least stained) clothing. Jack had some book he had wrapped for David’s gift and a certain look in his eyes. They were immediately ambushed by curious friends of Jack’s, who had caught wind that he would be bringing a girl over. She smiled awkwardly and answered questions she was so glad she and Jack had prepared for ahead of time.

David had approached last, looking different than she expected from Jack’s stories about him. She was pretty sure that boy had it super fucking hard for the birthday boy, but he would deny it feverishly when asked. David had curly hair, loose-fitting clothing, and looked nerdier than the dude she had built in her head from tales of him chugging a whole bottle of Smirnoff and doing an amateur strip routine directly after that.

“Hey, Jack!” He said with a grin once he finally got past the crowd.  
“Hey, happy birthday, man!” Jack lit up once David came into his field of vision and immediately wrapped him in a hug. Katherine stood there a little awkwardly as they shared a moment. Finally, he pulled away and pointed at her. “This is Katherine Plumber: my roommate and girlfriend.”

David’s eyes trailed over to her and she stuck a hand out for him to shake. He drooped a little bit, like her presence upset him, but only for a second. He clasped her hand and shook well, and she bet he was one of the only ones in the group who actually knew how to do a handshake properly.

“Hi, nice to meet you! Jack’s told me so much about you guys, you in particular,” Katherine said, her smile cool and genuine, but not quite meeting her eyes. Jack really had yapped her ear off worrying about what gift she was buying him, and she knew way more about David than she ever wanted to. (Reference back to the strip routine, which Jack had tiredly cried about.)

“Nice to meet you, Katherine. I know nothing about you. Thanks, Jack,” David said, mock scowling at him. Jack just shrugged, smirking. “Just a heads up, the party is mostly guys, but, um, there is Smalls, Sniper, and Sarah that I know for sure are here. Sarah’s in the kitchen, but I don’t know where the others are.” David jerked his thumb back in the direction of the kitchen and she nodded. There was a beat or two of silence before she sighed and slapped Jack on the back twice.

“Go have fun, boys. I smell pizza. Call me if you need me, cowboy,” Katherine said, walking away while shaking her head.  
“Gotcha, Ace!” Jack said to her retreating form, and she could hear the grin on his face. She meandered over to the table where the pizza boxes were set up, and grabbed a slice. She took a bite as she considered her sitting options, and spotted Charlie. Considering she was one of the only ones she recognized, she went and plopped into the empty couch space next to him.

“Hey, Charlie,” she said before biting into her slice, and he looked up at her, startled. Once he recognized her, his shoulders dropped from the quick surprise she gave him, and he smiled at her.  
“Heya, Kath. You the gal Jack was yapping about?” She gave him a lackluster salute instead of a response, and he just nodded. “Huh. Thought he and Davey were gonna get together one of these days.”  
“Or him and you, Char. He doesn’t shut up about either of you, god. His phone’s wallpaper is you and David. There’s so, so many doodles of you guys in his drawing book. It’s almost pathetic.” Katherine threw her head back in anguish, and took another bite of the pizza. He just chuckled, but his face was slightly flushed and he didn’t meet her eyes.

There was a nice bit of comfortable silence, as silent as it could be at a party anyways, before he looked over at her. “You don’t have to call me Charlie, by the way. Most people call me Crutchie.”  
Her eyes wandered down to the crutch that was laid against the couch next to him and wrinkled her nose. “I don’t know. Kind of offensive, isn’t it?”  
“Good thing it’s not you bein’ called it then,” he replied, blinking over at her lazily. There was a beat before she shrugged.  
“Fair enough.”

Several minutes passed as Crutchie pulled out his phone to play with, and Katherine finished her food. She lounged there and just spaced out until Jack found his way over, grinning madly, and with an arm thrown around David’s shoulder.

“Crutchie, hey!” He said, somewhat loudly, and David winced, being right next to his mouth. Jack gave a mumbled apology before continuing, slightly quieter. “Hey man, haven’t seen you’s all evenin!”  
“You’ve been here for like, an hour at most, Jackie.” Katherine sighed and scooched over, making room for both boys.  
“Jackie?” David asked her, sounding mischievously delighted. Jack groaned in her direction before pulling him and the other man down into their seats.

“Ace, I gotta reputation. You’re dashing my street cred inta the floor, and it ain’t even midnight.”  
“What street cred, ‘Jackie’?” Crutchie mocked. Jack just rolled his eyes and threw his empty arm around him. Katherine leaned forwards to grin at Crutchie, and he just flipped her off. David looked between them, confused.

“Crutch, Katherine, what’s up with that?” He asked, pointing at them, one at a time.  
“Nuttin’, just a conversation we was having,” Crutchie said, waving him off and looking away from her. Maybe it wasn’t smart for Katherine to go about and making jokes about her ‘boyfriend’ liking someone (multiple someones) else, but she wasn’t too invested in the fake relationship anyways. From the way Jack was acting around the boys, he didn’t seem too worked up either.

“So, Jack, how’s the class you’re teaching? The monsters treating you well?” Crutchie piloted the talk into a completely new territory, bringing up the art class Jack was teaching at the local Jewish Community Center. Katherine stayed with them for a little bit, listening to Jack talk and chiming in every now and then, but she got fed up when Jack had to pause the story for the fourth time to make goo-goo eyes at either of the men he was sitting between.

“Okay, I’m leaving. You guys are gross,” Katherine finally said, standing up. Jack paused his mooning to heckle her as she left.  
“Bold accusation from someone who’s dating one of us, Ace.”  
She turned and raised an eyebrow at him, smiling lazily. “When you asked me out, you started the proposition with “Oh man, I know something that’s gonna piss your dad off real bad.””  
“And it worked, didn’t it!” Jack cried cheerily, and she just laughed and flipped him off before continuing her exit.

As she left, she could here David and Crutchie make fun of Jack for the (fake, but funny) relationship starter she had made up. Good, she thought to herself. Jack needed to be knocked down a peg every now and then. Course, anyone who knew Jack Kelly knew he didn’t care what most people thought.

Katherine meandered into the kitchen, where Anthony was doing shots, a short guy filling the glasses up almost as fast as the other drank, and a couple of people were cheering him on. She watched him get slammed for a few seconds before pulling herself away and grabbing her own drink.

She grabbed just a regular ol’ beer, though she was planning to hunt through David’s storage and see what she could mix up. Katherine wasn’t big on drinking, but it was fun to get fu-uh-uh-cked up every now and then.

She looked around for something to pop the top off, but there wasn’t an opener anywhere on the counter. Katherine considered the method Jack had taught her once when their opener broke that involved her slamming the bottle really hard near a table, but she wasn’t any good at that.

Katherine scoped the area once more before looking at her bottle pathetically and going to put it back. Before the neck even went inside the cooler, she felt a tap on her shoulder and turned to the figure touching her. In front of her stood a goddamn goddess.

Maybe it was the alcohol (no, wait, she hadn’t had any yet), maybe it was the atmosphere, maybe it was the lighting. Whichever it was, Katherine felt like she was going to die from just one glimpse of the woman smiling at her.

She was tall, taller than Jack, with light brown hair complimenting her face. What a face! Her eyes were a dark brown, but holyfuckingshit they were so pretty and maybe it WAS the lights, because there was something sparkling in those eyes (weeks later she’d admit, she didn’t seem the sparkle at all, she was just awestruck. Still, she continued, looking into those eyes was intoxicating). The girl was smiling at Katherine with a small, shy grin. It felt private, and personal, and just realizing this girl was smiling at her got her heart racing. She had pretty lips, soft, kissable. They were moving. She was saying something? Shit, she was saying something.

“Uh, uh, I, um,” Katherine said, stumbling over her words. The woman raised an eyebrow, and Katherine got a hold of herself, clearing her throat. “Could you repeat that?” She asked meekly, and the other girl just laughed breathily for a second.  
“Do you need the can opener?” The woman held up the contraption, and wow, her hands looked soft.  
“Uh, yeah, thanks,” Katherine replied, and took the opener, popped her beer’s top off, and set it on the counter next to the cooler.

There was silence as she knocked her head back and took a long swig, but when she straightened herself out, she noticed the girl was still there. She was staring at Katherine curiously, like she was trying to figure something out, and it was kind of freaking her out. Suddenly, she stuck out her hand.

Katherine tentatively took her hand, shaking slowly. As they shook in greeting, she finally spoke.  
“Hi,” she said, and her voice was so goddamn melodious, “I’m Sarah Jacobs. Davey is my brother?”  
“Oh. Hello. I’m Katherine Plumber, Jack Kelly’s girlfriend,” she replied, just like she was instructed to do when she met Sarah. She just nodded.  
“I was wondering why my brother was freaking out so much. Nice to meet you, Katherine. Now, we already have beers and everyone else seems to be busy, so how about,” she said (Jack would’ve said ‘how’s’ and Katherine kinda liked the difference) quietly, “we find the quietest corner we can in this hell hole?”

That’s how Katherine Plumber Pulitzer ended up on an empty staircase with Sarah Jacobs, a little bit tipsy and a little bit in love with someone she wasn’t supposed to be in love with- at least for the night.

She and Sarah just talked. At least hour passed by, and they just chatted. Something about her was just easy to open up to, and she got to talking about her father less than twenty minutes after they began. Sarah was comfortable and warm, and her voice flowed out like honey. She talked quiet enough that she made you lean in to hear her, but maybe that was part of her plan.

A second beer had somehow found itself in Katherine’s hands at the end of the second hour she and Jack had spent at the party, if the clock near the bathroom was anything to go by. The drink was barely disturbed, but it was still nice to hold in her hands. She wasn’t that drunk.

Sarah had been lazily talking about something called ‘The Adventure Zone’ for several minutes, chattering on about how she was looking to convince her brothers into playing it with her. She had a younger one named Les, who was around seventeen years old. If Jack had been talking this long, she would’ve gotten bored and told him to go away, but Sarah captivated her.

The girl’s body had managed to come incredibly close to hers through a mixture of Katherine leaning in to hear her properly and Sarah scooching in on her own, and it felt like torture. Jack was in the other room, probably. She had introduced herself as his girlfriend. She couldn’t do anything but stare and nod along.

Sarah was explaining one of the characters, an elf named Lup, when she paused for a moment and looked at her. “Have you heard anything I’ve said?”  
“Probably not,” Katherine murmured, smiling. Sarah smiled back.  
“That’s okay. D’you have Instagram? I’d like to find you after tonight, and asking for your number sounds so forwards.”

Katherine fished her phone out of her pocket and opened up the app before handing the device to her. “Just put your username in, and you can follow me later.”  
She tapped out her name and followed for her, before passing it back and leaning her head against Katherine’s shoulder when she realized she was going to inspect the account.

There were a good number of photos on the account, mostly selfies or random photos. The one that struck out to Katherine was the second newest one, which she clicked on to enlarge. She blinked at it slowly, processing. It was good. In the photo, Sarah was grinning brightly, the pride parade from the week before in the background. She had two flags painted on her cheeks. The first one she recognized as the rainbow flag and the second one was the trans flag. Next to Sarah, slightly cut off from the photo, David was tagged, a rainbow flag in hand. She tapped the photo twice, liking it, and turned her head to smile at Sarah. Sarah smiled back at her.

There was a moment of peace, just looking at each other, faces so close that just with a little push they could be kissing, but all good things had to come to an end.  
Anthony skidded in, causing Sarah to jerk herself away, and Katherine missed the warmth of contact already. She took a drink of her beer to appear normal, and to have a reason to be blushing.

“Jack’s freaking the hell out,” Anthony said, rushed, and she just nodded. She gave an apologetic frown to Sarah, who just waved her away, and stood up to follow him. They traveled back into the living room and into the backyard, where Jack was trying to climb a fence, much to the protests of several other people. Jack lit up the moment he saw Katherine come into view and starting waving his hands wildly to catch her attention, despite protests.

She groaned and approached the crowd, pissed off to no end. He was so drunk, and she had lost her beer somewhere. Jack could and would do stuff like this normally, but he at least took safety precautions and got down when people insisted he did.

“Jack Kelly!” Katherine yelled at him, the people parting for her. “Get down this instance, holy shit!”  
“He won’t listen to me or Davey,” Crutchie complained from the right of her.  
“He’s insufferable,” she replied, voicing what they both thought. Crutchie said nothing, but she took that as an agreement.

“Hiii Ace!” Jack called from the fence. “How’s ya! Haven’t seen you’s all- haven’t seen you all night! All night, Kathy!”  
“Why haven’t you guys just forcibly pulled him down yet?” She asked, in lieu of an answer to Jack’s drunken badgering. There was a moment of silence before Katherine turned to look at David, who was looking like he thought he was the stupidest thing since Jack Kelly. She just sighed, marched forwards, grabbed his pant leg, and tugged him off. He groaned slightly, but a couple of people rushed to help him up.

She led him back into the condo and to the bathroom, where he promptly went and threw up in the toilet. The stairs were right next to it, so Katherine took a minute to herself to check them out again. Just like she suspected: empty. Jack Kelly had totally.. Cock-blocked? Clam-jammed? Dental dammed? There was a cliterference (haha)? Whatever. Katherine had felt the romantic and sexual tension between her and Sarah, and the whole fake-dating and him trying to climb a fence thing totally ruined it. Stupid Jack Kelly.

Once she heard the hurling putter to a stop for longer than two minutes, she pulled herself back into the room with him. He looked up at her, almost pathetically, and she understood it perfectly. Katherine helped him back to his feet, let him say goodbye to his friends, and left the party after forcing a water into him. They could eat later.

She felt like she had sobered up in the time between the staircase, and felt coherent enough to drive. Just in case, she went slow. The drive home was quiet, except for Jack’s groaning, and it was nice. It was definitely the type of end she expected from the party. At least now she and Jack could fake their break-up a few weeks later, and move on with their lives.

A ding from her phone at the red light compelled her to check it. It was an Instagram notification, saying that one Sarah Jacobs followed her. Katherine couldn’t help but smile.

-

sorryjacobs  
[sent a post]

sorryjacobs  
that is some mad level scrolling lol

kath.plum  
Aaah!! No!! I didn’t mean to like it. Leave me to wallow in my shame alone. x(

sorryjacobs  
aw how cute

sorryjacobs  
seriously omg i cannot believe how far you scrolled… gosh i need to take down so many photos

kath.plum  
What? They’re cute!

sorryjacobs  
hate seeing pics of me with short hair. so weird! not to mention i was super cringey in middle school ohdgtsdg

kath.plum  
ohdgtsdg?

sorryjacobs  
….its a keysmash. bc im gay

kath.plum  
Aw, how cute.

sorryjacobs  
stop mocking me!

-

When Jack mentioned there being another party, Katherine almost refused until he mentioned that Sarah would be there. Despite how much time they spent chatting over Instagram, and later actual text messages, they hadn’t gotten the chance to meet up again. Maybe it was a good thing. She and Jack hadn’t officially broken up yet, and she and Sarah were still flirting constantly. That was actually kind of worrying, if Sarah really did believe Katherine and Jack were dating.

Still, she went to the party with him.

They fell into a routine so easy that they forgot that people still thought they were dating, forgot to “break up”. They’d go to the party together, hang out with one another for a little bit, before parting to hang out with the people they actually wanted to date. She and Sarah got closer, Jack, Crutchie, and David almost drunkenly made out more than once, and the system worked for them.

Of course, not everything was smooth sailing. Each time, David would stare at her and Jack a little bit colder and a little bit more suspicious. Each time, Crutchie would get a little bit more hopeful at Katherine’s jokings about Jack. Each time, Sarah seemed to talk less and inspect more, looking an awful lot like her brother.

Finally, everything was discovered to be made out of shit, shit hit the fan, and the Jacobs decided to finally do some sort of acrobatic fucking pirouette off the handle and win, like, a medal. Or some shit. It really was an amazing coincidence that both of them freaked out at the same time, which Katherine chalked up to sibling telepathy.

It was a normal night. The party was hosted at Crutchie, Anthony, and Jack’s mom’s place, which sounded lame until you realized her ‘place’ was a theater. It was for some award that Anthony’s boyfriend, Sean “Spot” Colon, had gotten. Something with wrestling, maybe?

Katherine and Sarah were tucked into a private booth Katherine regular-ed when she did reviews on the shows there. Sarah had seemed almost worried when Katherine had told her she wanted to show her something. It was weird, but some people just didn’t like surprises. But, she still looked worried. And nervous. It was scaring Katherine.

A few minutes passed of awkward silence, with Katherine leaning against one of the walls and Sarah looking out. Finally, Katherine couldn’t handle it anymore and spoke. “Sar, are you alright? You’re so… tense.”  
Sarah looked over at her from her spot, and god, she looked beautiful. She also looked frightened. She didn’t say anything, she just looked at her.

They kept eye contact until Katherine sighed and talked again. “Do you want to go? I get you’re pretty close with Spot Colon (You had to say his last name too, or it didn’t sound right). We can go celebrate with him.”  
Sarah bit her lip, breathed in, and said, “Katherine, what’s up with this?”  
“What?” Katherine didn’t expect to hear that, and she didn’t know what to say.

Sarah frowned, and turned to face her. “You. Me. This. What-” she repeated, gesturing between the two of them, “-is this? You’re dating Jack but you keep ignoring him and coming on to me? You’re dating Jack but you still make Crutchie think he’s got a shot? You’re dating Jack but you guys act like you’re just friends? Katherine, I can’t keep pretending like nothing's happening when something is happening. What is going on?”

Katherine’s eyebrows raised. She had almost forgotten she and Jack were still dating. Of course Sarah wanted answers, it seemed like she was leading her on and encouraging her to cheat. Katherine didn’t say any of that, didn’t apologize, didn’t explain. All Katherine did was say, “I brought you up here to kiss you?” very timidly. Sarah just closed her eyes, as if she were tired.

“I’m not going to let you cheat on Jack Kelly with me. That’s not how it’s going to work. I’m not a homewrecker.”  
“You’ve been flirting with me too!” Smooth move, Plumber. Sarah’s eyes shot back open and she stepped forwards, suddenly angry.  
“Yeah, because you were pretty and I was joking! Or, I don’t know, I didn’t think it would last! Jack is the heartbreaker! But you guys have lasted for months and-! God! I hate this so much!” She paused to breathe. Her words didn’t sound like they had much fire in them on paper, but she was roaring at Katherine now. Katherine stood there and took it, looking a little bit scared.

“Jack doesn’t deserve to get hurt by some- some- some floozy! That sounds so mean, I’m sorry. But, no I’m not! I am mean right now, I’m angry! You’re just a cheater, and I can’t respect someone like that, holy hell!” Katherine blinked at her, tears in her eyes. Sarah was close to crying too. Her hands were in her hair, and she just looked so done with her. “I can’t even look at you. Are you going to explain, or are you going to leave? Because I’m not going to accept anything else.”

In possibly the stupidest move ever made in human history since 12 different publishing companies rejected Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, Katherine stopped, curled her hands up into fists, nodded, and turned and walked out the door. She didn’t know why she was doing that. She didn’t understand. Still, her legs moved down until she reached the bottom.

Katherine was breathing heavily, tears streaming down her face at that point. She waited several minutes in one spot, not thinking anything, before wiping her eyes and seeking out Jack. It wasn’t even midnight, dear god.

Jack wasn’t hard to find. He was outside the theater, leaning against the wall, smoking a cigarette. She had heard of Jack once being addicted to them from Crutchie, and he had told her he smoked one occasionally when the situation was serious, but she had never caught him in the act.

When she pushed open the doors, Jack had looked over, a little disinterested, a little sad. His gaze only kept on her for a second though, as he had to blow some smoke out. He didn’t tell her to go away though, so Katherine went over next to him and scooted down the wall until she was sitting, curled into a ball.

A long period of just Jack smoking and Katherine half-crying passed. No one came and got them. Finally, Jack spat the cigarette out onto the sidewalk, stepped on it, and ground it with his heel until it was unrecognizable. He then offered his hand to Katherine and pulled her up.

“Let’s get outta here,” he said, his voice distant and unreadable. Katherine just nodded and went with him.  
Jack drove them home. They didn’t talk about it in the car, and they didn’t talk about it when they got back to the apartment.

Katherine didn’t know how late she ended up staying awake, but sometime in the middle of the night, she heard faint crying from the other room. She pulled her tired body up and moved to Jack’s completely on autopilot. When she opened his door, he didn’t even look up. Just reached his arm out for her. They fell asleep curled against each other, both crying until they passed out.

-

Katherine awoke to the sound of Jack’s obnoxious ringtone for David or Crutchie. He was a big fan of some youtuber named Jacksfilms for whatever reason, and he had set it as some song about the youtuber being gay and his girlfriend bearding for him when he realized it fit perfectly with their situation at hand. There was the trouble of not being able to tell apart who was actually calling, but Jack was too committed in the joke.

Speaking of Jack, he groaned before moving, much to the annoyance of Katherine. She whined, but he persisted and sat up groggily, pulling the phone up to his face to answer. “Hello?” He said, exhausted. Someone on the other end said something very loudly, because Jack just winced.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m home. Me and Ace are at the apartment. I’m as fine as I can be, Crutch.” Well, that solved the mystery of who was on the line.  
Katherine pulled herself up, her bed head covering some of her face. “Wazzut?” She asked, words not coming out right. He just shushed her.  
“Uh huh. Uh huh. Okay. Uh huh. Gotcha. Crutch, man, it’s all good.” Jack dropped the phone and allowed it to go into speaker mode, as Katherine was so curious.

“-ot all good, Kelly! Davey is desolate, an’ so his sister!” Jack eyed Katherine at this, but she just raised an eyebrow at him, asking nonverbally if he was one to talk. He relented with a shrug. “I can’t believe you two! He was so angry!”  
“Yeah Crutch, he almost tried ta soak me,” Jack replied, tone flat.  
“Right, right. An’ don’t think I ain’t mad too Jack! I’m pissed off! Davey’s right about you an’ your… cheatin’! Heartbreaker Kelly, back and worse than eva’, fucking over three people at once. Fuck!”

Jack blinked and then chuckled. “Hey, Crutchie. You’re on speakerphone. Guess who’s here.”  
“Hiii, Crutchie,” Katherine said, assuming this was a prompting. Crutchie was silent for a moment.

“Jack kissed me an’ Davey last night, Kath,” he finally said, like he couldn’t hold himself back.  
“Did he now?” She said, raising an eyebrow at Jack, who just looked tired.  
“Yeah! Thought you should know. I’m real sorry. He’s not even a two-timer. He’s a three-timer. Jesus, Jack.”  
“Hey, Crutchie. I’m gonna say something that’s gonna blow your mind.” Jack stared at her, before shrugging. She considered that permission enough.  
“What, you killed him already and all that talkin’ he did was a recording of his voice you’ve got?”

Katherine smiled at Jack. What a notion. “Not a bad idea, but not exactly.”  
“What is it then?”  
“Jack isn’t a cheater, because me and him were never actually dating.”

There was a long pause of silence, so long that she felt the need to ask if he was still there. Finally, before she got the chance, he spoke up again. “Who’sa what now?”  
“Me and him,” she said slowly, “were never dating. Not really.”

There was another long silence, but this time, it ended with Crutchie hanging up.

“Oh god up above: strike us down now, or else we’re really in for it,” Jack said, laying back down. Katherine just laughed. Let the storm come, she thought. She was done with lying.

-

“So, what got you worked up last night?” Katherine asked over a burger at some place Jack knew none of his friends could afford. She was helping pay, simply because she didn’t want to see them either.

Jack swallowed the fry he was eating and shrugged. “I acted like I normally do, but around halfway, Davey brought me and Crutchie outside and basically asked why you and I never make out at parties. I mean, he was more elephant than that-” Katherine giggled at him, ”-but the main point was he was suspicious because we never acted like a couple. He was wonderin’ what was going on between us, and then rather than answer, I just gave ‘em both big kisses on the lips and Davey went ballistic. You?”

Katherine frowned, stirring her drink with her straw. “I brought Sarah up to the booth where I usually do my reviews, but it was super tense. She then asked me what me and her were or some shit, which I mean, fair. But then she blew up about you and me and called me a floozy. She then said to either tell her what was going on or to leave and I, Katherine Plumber Pulitzer, left the box.”

Jack whistled long and slowly. She nodded and took a bite of her food. “We’re messed up, huh, Ace?” He said, and she nodded again. There was really no other response to the truth, even if it hurt to stop holding up a sword of lies.

“Do you like them, Jackie?” Katherine stared at her plate, hoping he got it.  
“Yeah. I really do. You like that girl, Sarah, Ace?”  
“Of course.”  
“...We gotta do a full apology and explanation, don’t we?” Jack looked nervous. Maybe that was good though. She felt scared too.  
“Yep.”  
“Fuck man. I hate this. So much. I deserve this because I dragged you into this.”  
“Yep.”  
Jack sighed sadly. “I’ll call up Crutchie, ask ‘im to call the main people in.”

-

Katherine’s fingers danced over her knee, the radio blaring some ridiculous joke podcast Jack liked. He was into the whole social media immersive story genres, such as The Sun Vanished story on twitter and liked checking out fake things that were jokingly enforced as true. Like Limetown, or something Jack had discovered on Instagram about how Scooby-doo characters had been a part of some evil framing scheme way back when. That was one of the reasons she and him would never actually date.

Speaking of which, she and Jack had finally announced their official “break up”. Katherine’s father didn’t comment, but he did use a very smiley Facebook reaction emoji. That was the extent of emotion she would get out of him. He really didn’t like Jack after he found out that Jack made art going against most of the thing Mr. Pulitzer liked because he was old and rich. That was one of the reasons she and Jack would ever have a chance of really dating.

Jack was baking apology brownies/doing dishes and she was working on one of her articles about some homicide case that had some celebrity scared. It wasn’t pretty, but she was glad she wasn’t wheezing her way through the flower show after doing the article on some child exploitation/corruption several other big newspapers were involved in.

They had gotten Crutchie to convince Sarah and David to come over, even if they refused to give him the full story yet. Thank god for his trust in Jack. They’d explain everything, give those involved some brownies, and hopefully still have friends at the end of it, maybe more. They’d be over soon.

Katherine sighed and shut her laptop. She’d need to stay up late to finish the article, but she also needed to get ready. “Hey, they’re gonna be over in like, fifteen. Are they almost done?”  
Jack looked up from the sink at the clock and cursed. “Yeah, it’s coming out in five minutes. I gotta get looking respectable.”  
“Me too,” she sighed. “Listen, my clothes aren’t gross because I didn’t get batter all over myself like you did, so I’ll take it out.” He nodded and darted off to his room to change and throw the clothes in the wash. She breathed for a moment before doing her own tidying up routine.

She changed her pajamas into real clothes, took the brownies out to cool, and picked up a few things strewn in the living room. One of Jack’s shirts, a plate or two, and erotica books she and him were jokingly reading together. Once she cleared them away, Jack pranced out, looking spiffy-ish. His pants were the nice ones, at least. They only had five paint stains instead of twelve.

“Are you ready for what may be the most awkward conversation we’ve ever had?” She asked, sighing nervously.  
“Readier than you, at least. So, no, not at all.” Jack tilted his head and adjusted the bandana he wore around his neck, eyeing the door, like he was waiting for the grim reaper to storm through it.

A few minutes of silent dread passed between them until the bell rang, which made Jack jump up. Katherine’s stomach felt like it was filled with a swarm of moths, or mosquitos, or something. Anything but butterflies. “I’ll get it,” Jack said, and it sounded a little strained, which was understandable.

Jack made his way over to the front door and pulled it open to a very unhappy looking trio. Crutchie looked done with it all, just looking for an explanation for what they had already told him over the phone. David looked pissed and pouty, his hands shoved in his pockets, like they had dragged him there to listen (David was stubborn and outspoken when he had to be. That realization had hit Jack like a ton of bricks the first time he saw it happen). Sarah looked sad, mournful, and she looked like she hadn’t slept since she and Katherine last talked.

They shuffled in slowly and Jack shut the door behind them, staring sadly at the boys. He followed and led them to the couch that he and Katherine sat opposite to, and then joined her. She and Jack looked at each other for a moment, communicating nonverbally, and then Katherine faced the trio and cleared her throat. “So..” she started, breaking the silence, and they exploded.

“I want some answers to what I heard over the phone,” Crutchie said, exasperated.  
“Let me just say, whatever ends up being the explanation: Jack, you are an idiot,” David spat, leaning forwards.  
“You actually walked out rather than talking to me,” Sarah whispered sadly.

“I- we can explain,” Katherine stammered, holding her hands up. “Please?” David sat back, and none of them said anything, so she took that as a go-ahead.  
“So, a few months ago, Davey’s birthday rolled up,” Jack started. “He invited Sarah, and she was actually one of the few partners I ever saw anything goin’ anywhere, so I figured maybe I ought to look like I had moved on. I have, by the way, but I didn’t know if you were gonna show up with anyone, and I didn’t want to look… I dunno, dumb?” Sarah looked taken aback by this. Jack Kelly was not one people expected to look towards a future with someone, and it was obviously news to her.

“Through a couple of wacky hijinks, I somehow never met any more than three of his friends,” Katherine continued. “So, since we were roommates and I wasn’t close with any of his pals, we figured it would be easy and quick to bring me in as a fake romantic partner. If anything, it would be an easy way to introduce me to people. I was hesitant at first, but I eventually agreed, and he started spreading the word.”

“Why’d ya change your mind?” Crutchie asked, raising an eyebrow. A ghost of a smile crossed Katherine’s lips.  
“He offered to pay for my dinner whenever I had to pick something up after work for two weeks,” she replied. Jack snorted, because they both knew he was actually still paying for it. She did bring him some unless asked not to, at least.

“Anyhows! I brought her to the party, and we just.. Kept it up? It slipped our mind eventually. We weren’t really doin’ good with faking it at any point. We was real focused with, uh, courting our respective actual romantic interests.” Jack coughed rather than clarify. He was never any good with admitting real romantic shit.

“So, we were never cheating on anyone, is what we’re trying to say, and we’re really sorry. It was… shitty. For everyone. Especially you guys, because you didn’t know everything, so it seemed really, really bad,” Katherine concluded. She looked down at the coffee table as she let them process it all.

“...Jesus,” David finally said, sounding considerably less angry. “I really cannot believe you two. Wow. I mean, wow.”  
“A’ight mouth. You’re shocked. I’m.. huh. I think you’re an idiot, but I’m glad you’re not a cheat, Jack. More or less. He is still looking to date both of us, apparently.” Crutchie cupped his face with his hand, sitting forwards.  
“That’s called polyamory, I think. Not cheating.”  
“Interesting.”

Sarah hadn’t said anything, she was just looking at her hands curled up in her lap. It was fine if it was too overwhelming, not everybody was the “Newsies” or Jack’s friend group. Still, it was killing Katherine to not get her take on it.

“We baked an apology brownie pan, if you guys are wanting to eat it. Then you can give us your conclusion, or kill us or something,” Jack said. The boys nodded and shrugged, never one to deny food. They headed into the kitchen and Katherine stood up to follow, but before she could, Sarah’s hand grabbed her arm and pulled her into a room. Katherine’s bedroom.

She blinked and let Sarah’s hand drop and scrunch up to her body. Katherine looked at her, and she was as pretty as she had been that first night. Maybe even more, as there was this new emotion Katherine wanted to understand.

“You’re such an asshole, Katherine Plumber,” Sarah said, her voice hushed like she was scared the boys were gonna hear them.  
“Ha, that’s me.” A pause. “Sarah, I am so, so sorry. I hurt you, and I scared you, and I get if you want to… stop talking, or stop flirting, or whatever.”  
“You’re- I just. Don’t understand why you just left rather than talking to me.” Sarah plopped down onto Katherine’s bed, and she moved to sit down a few feet next to her.

“I don’t know either. I mean, I guess I kind of do. I brought you up there to essentially confess I liked you, and then you confronted me about Jack. I was surprised and emotional and it just seemed like the easier option at the time. Not proud of it, but hey, when is anybody not regretful of stuff they did in the past?” Katherine sighed, leaning against one arm. After a moment, her eyes slid to Sarah, who looked thoughtful.

“I don’t regret confronting you, but I agree.” She sat up, and turned to Katherine, looking serious. Katherine mirrored her confusedly. Sarah scooted forwards until their knees were touching, and reached out her hands, cupping Sarah’s face. “Let’s hope I don’t regret this, either.”

In a flash, Katherine felt her lips covered. By Sarah’s lips. Holy shit, Sarah Jacobs was kissing her. After that realization, Katherine melted, kissing back and reaching her hands up to cover Sarah’s. A few seconds later, Sarah pulled away, her eyes wide and a small smile creeping up.

“S- so you’re-! So, uh, you, you-” Katherine stammered, reminiscent of that first night and the beer bottle. Sarah laughed, her laugh high and melodious.  
“Yes, yes. Katherine, yes. I forgive you. I mean, I’m still a little mad, but, oh my god! I mostly forgive you.”

God, was Katherine ecstatic. “Thank the lord,” she said, before pulling Sarah in for another kiss. She giggled as much as she could with her mouth occupied but kissed back. Everything felt bright, and Katherine did not regret a single thing that was happening at that moment.

A few minutes later, and they both finally separated semi-permanently. “Should we.. should we go check on the boys?” Sarah asked, a little giddy, a little sad as she already knew the answer. Katherine sighed, frowning playfully.  
“I guess. We do want brownies, don’t we?”  
“Yeah. I’d love to taste them off your lips, Katherine.”  
“Hot dog!”

Sarah snorted, laughing all the way as the stood up and walked back to the boys, who were huddled into a weird, gay pile of men, eating their desserts. The brownies, that is, not each other. Katherine’s heart felt warm as she stepped into the kitchen. Everything would be okay. She and Sarah would work be alright, and the boys would work something out. Katherine was hardly ever sure of anything, but this felt like a guarantee.

-

“Kaaath,” Jack whined, “stop it. I know how to tie a bowtie. Leave it be.”  
“Obviously you don’t know how to tie it. It looks horrible. You are not going to be up there looking like a street rat like usual.” Katherine sighed, fixing it to her standards. Jack rolled his eyes.  
“Gee, thanks, Ace.”

Katherine stepped back to admire her handiwork, smiling at it. “There you go. Perfect. I want everything to go perfectly for us.”  
“How sweet,” Jack cooed. “Okay, if you’re done with me?”  
“Yeah- wait! What do you think of my outfit?” Jack sighed, which, fair. He had complimented her on it so many times already, but she was just so nervous. It was a cool combo of a dress and a suit that she had gotten specially made.  
“You look gorgeous. Seriously Ace, everything will be okay. I’ll see you out there, all right?” He gave a quick hug before running off. It was almost time.

Katherine did some breathing exercises, drank some water, and made sure her vow note cards were in order and inside her pocket. The actual moment snuck up on her quickly, and soon it was time to go out. She steeled her nerves before pushing open the door, grinning at Jack, who had already taken his place near the officiator. Several of her friends shot her encouraging glances and Anthony wiped a tear away. The ceremony hadn’t even really started, the big baby.

“Almost time!” Jack said, grinning as she got into her spot. Naturally, she had made Jack her best man.  
“Almost time!” She whispered back as bridesmen and bridesmaids crawled into their spots.

David slid in to his section near Katherine. He was the officiator, and he gave her a big thumbs up. At least she had his permission. Smalls, who she and Sarah had gotten closer to, started down the aisle with her flower basket, covering it with cheery yellow petals. Almost time. Next up was Crutchie, who was holding the pillow with the rings in one hand, grinning brightly. Almost time. Crutchie handed Jack the pillow and got into his place next to him, their hands touching like boyfriend’s did (gross) and the music swelled.

Okay, here we go.

Katherine straightened up, breathing to the beat of the wedding march, and a smiled came across her face.  
The doors slid open and out stepped Sarah Jacobs and her father. Katherine’s heart swelled. They stepped forwards and time seemed to slow, the light seemed to bend towards her, the music seemed to beat to her movements. Five years culminated in this moment, in this hour, in this day. It showed itself to Katherine in Sarah’s dark brown eyes, as beautiful as the first time she saw them.

Finally, after what seemed like a century (but Katherine didn’t mind), Sarah reached the wedding arch and looked to her dad once more, who squeezed her arm. He moved away and she turned to Katherine, grinning, tears of delight shining on her face.

“Hi,” she whispered, reaching for Katherine’s hand with the one that didn’t have the bouquet in it.  
“Oh. Hello,” she replied, rolling her thumb across her soon-to-be wife’s hand.

Hand in hand, they looked to David Jacobs, who was smiling contentedly. It had all worked out. He, Crutchie, and Jack were all living together and were hoping for the day they could all be legally married, settling for a spiritual ceremony. She and Sarah were being married and had moved in together almost three years beforehand.

David started the ceremony with the introduction, and the colors of hope stained each champagne glass and each tear. Hearts fell open, and the sun seemed to shine a little brighter.

Katherine Plumber Pulitzer, soon to be Katherine Jacobs, squeezed Sarah Jacobs hand, and they began their vows.

**Author's Note:**

> -sarah tosses the flowers to everybody (not just ladies) and spot ends up catching it  
> -imagine its like.. years in the future and theres more uproar about polyamorous relationships when you picture this next one  
> -the boys get legally married like two years later and katherine has to talk jack out of using the same outfit she did. he sighs and opts for [one](http://us.asos.com/asos/asos-wedding-super-skinny-blazer-in-pink-floral-print/prd/8721973?CTAref=We%20Recommend%20Carousel_4&featureref1=we%20recommend%20pers) of [these](http://us.asos.com/asos/asos-design-wedding-skinny-suit-jacket-in-white-cotton-floral-print/prd/9448604?clr=white&SearchQuery=suits&gridcolumn=2&gridrow=10&gridsize=4&pge=1&pgesize=72&totalstyles=2866)  
> -also sarah and kath had more or less a secular wedding bc kath isnt religious but they did both get lifted in chairs  
> -and yes jack is jewish  
> -and YES sarah is trans  
> -also Pulitzer was there but nobody likes him so they didnt really mention him  
> -the boys and newsbians eventually all invest in a big ol house together  
> -newsbians have 2 kids (boy and girl) and the boys adopt a girl and they raise em communally  
> -the rest of the newsies and their kids often temporarily move in so  
> -takes a village to raise a child and to deal with all of them newsies
> 
> anyways check out my [tumblr](http://www.don-lockwood.tumblr.com) if you want me to talk more abt them


End file.
